Archive for January 31, 2015

Fearless Women: On love

— Some mornings things get sticky.  This morning is one of those.  Somehow did not “save” my post and it disappeared in cyber space, not once, but twice.

This post is about something I have read often: nobody can love you until you love yourself.  And if like me you look around and see people paired up, married even, you wonder, “why not me? what’s wrong?  What we often forget are the times we were paired up, married even and totally miserable.  Is that what love is supposed to be, to feel like?

My parents’ s marriage was not a great success.  They did not fight but from where I am standing now, I realize that they were not truly happy, even not happy at all.  Like many of that generation, they just made the best of what was.

I remember being in one long-term relationship, for much too long,  and “putting a smile on” before opening the door.  Feeling like I was walking on eggshells even.  Not daring to be spontaneous.  Not being myself when there were people around.  Oh! I did not know then that I was settling.  It’s difficult to look for something you don’t know exists, or you think does not exist or “could feel like”.

It finally dawned on me that this “good enough” was not enough.  I do remember some events that triggered my waking up.  Wanting to talk about how I felt, realizing I was more myself with other people in my life than with my then-partner.  This last realization was a real eye-opener.  My life partner should be the safest place to be myself, no if’s or but’s.    Those so-so relationships are the worst to leave sometimes because there is no abuse, nothing we can put a finger on, nothing concrete.  It just leaves us with an empty feeling and we often feel that maybe we are asking too much, we are too demanding.  Too high standards.

If you have had a string of those relationships and you want to increase your chances to choose better in the future, call me at 613-744-1538 during business hours.  We will schedule a free call to help you gain clarity and decide if coaching with me is right for you.

Marguerite Tennier, M.A.

http://www.canadas-coach.com

http://www.eftottawa.com

 

Canada’s Coach Blog – Fearless Living Women

Great start to the New Year for more Fearless Living.   If you are reading this, then it means you yearn for more Fearless Living in your love, work and life in general.

What are you postponing in your life because you are unsure of what, where you want to go or be? What “resolutions” did you take on January 1st?  Is it the first year you make those resolutions?  If not, what happened in the previous year(s) that prevented you from achieving your goals?

Don’t feel bad.  Feeling bad is totally useless – in fact it’s not only useless, it’s detrimental to future success.  It’s hard to go for what you want when your left hand is beating yourself up for your past mistakes.  Beating yourself up is the best way to let Fear run your life.

You don’t Beat Yourself Up you may think.  Well, how often do you “should” about yourself?  Should be thinner, better (parent, spouse, friend, employee, sister, daughter).  The list can go on and on.  Every time you use a should on yourself, you can be certain to make yourself feel just a little or a lot worse.  Should’ing on yourself is not the same as identifying and choosing to do something differently, which is a very empowering way to improve the quality of your life.

Perfectionism has become a rampant disease in today’s society.  Yes a disease that plays on our insecurities (we all have them).  Who you surround yourself with (Fear Junkies???) or even worse, toxic people who put you down, will make you feel worse about yourself, not “good enough” and quicker to beat yourself up when something does not work.

Here are two tools you can use to limit the damage.

First, write down three acknowledgements about yourself every day.  Point form will do.  For example: Today I acknowledge myself for making that dreaded phone call.  Or today I acknowledge myself for following through on my exercise commitment.  Or today, I acknowledge myself for working on my website all morning (this one is mine).

Second, identify the people in your life who do not support, encourage or believe in you.  The naysayers.  The Fear Junkies.  Some may just be afraid that you won’t succeed and that’s why they are not fans of your projects.  Others are jealous and yet others may have just liked what you brought to the table before you changed.  Their “needs” are no longer filled by the new you.  As much as you can, avoid some and delete others from your life.  Now is a good time to practice speaking up for yourself and what you want.

If you can recognize yourself in the above and if you are ready to stop beating yourself up,  to create a more fulfilling life, have more energy,  and you are ready to invest in yourself, you call me at 613-744-1538- tell me your name, your phone number, what you want to achieve,  what’s not working for you right now and a little bit about your life.  I will communicate with you and we’ll set up a one hour coaching conversation to give you some value and to see if we are a good fit.  No selling or hidden strings.  I work with a very small number of clients at any one time and only with people who are a resounding “YES, I want to work with you.”

Marguerite Tennier, M.A.,

Transformational Coaching for Women over 40

http://www.canadas-coach.com

http://www.eftottawa.com