Fearless Women: On love
— Some mornings things get sticky. This morning is one of those. Somehow did not “save” my post and it disappeared in cyber space, not once, but twice.
This post is about something I have read often: nobody can love you until you love yourself. And if like me you look around and see people paired up, married even, you wonder, “why not me? what’s wrong? What we often forget are the times we were paired up, married even and totally miserable. Is that what love is supposed to be, to feel like?
My parents’ s marriage was not a great success. They did not fight but from where I am standing now, I realize that they were not truly happy, even not happy at all. Like many of that generation, they just made the best of what was.
I remember being in one long-term relationship, for much too long, and “putting a smile on” before opening the door. Feeling like I was walking on eggshells even. Not daring to be spontaneous. Not being myself when there were people around. Oh! I did not know then that I was settling. It’s difficult to look for something you don’t know exists, or you think does not exist or “could feel like”.
It finally dawned on me that this “good enough” was not enough. I do remember some events that triggered my waking up. Wanting to talk about how I felt, realizing I was more myself with other people in my life than with my then-partner. This last realization was a real eye-opener. My life partner should be the safest place to be myself, no if’s or but’s. Those so-so relationships are the worst to leave sometimes because there is no abuse, nothing we can put a finger on, nothing concrete. It just leaves us with an empty feeling and we often feel that maybe we are asking too much, we are too demanding. Too high standards.
If you have had a string of those relationships and you want to increase your chances to choose better in the future, call me at 613-744-1538 during business hours. We will schedule a free call to help you gain clarity and decide if coaching with me is right for you.
Marguerite Tennier, M.A.