I have been witness recently of an “incident” where a woman publicly put her husband down. The poor guy just did not say a word and he moved to another part of the room. The way he reacted made it clear that this was not the first time it happened. This was all the more surprising because I had assumed that this long married pair were happy.
This incident got me thinking about some red flags in relationships. They could be happening during the dating phase or in the examples I witnessed, after many years married. And unfortunately, I was able to come up with a number of them, mostly witnessed, over the past 15 years or so. And surprisingly, it was always the women doing the put down, in public. I know that verbal abuse happens to women, maybe it happens more behind closed doors.
1) Verbal put-down about inability of the partner to buy expensive gifts or other luxuries.
2 Shutting the spouse with the equivalent of “shut the f… up”, I’m talking. Anyone who yells at you or treats with less than respect is abusive
3) Making negative comments about the appearance, weight of the partner
4) Rolling the eyes when someone congratulates the partner
5) Criticizing the ideas, the friends of the spouse, the way the partner is, talks, moves, eats, thinks
6) Consistently ignoring the partner in conversation
7) Making jokes that make the partner feel bad
One telltale sign of the effect of emotional, verbal abuse is sadness which masquerades as fatigue. If you regularly try to appease your partner, if you do more hoping your partner will appreciate you, if you have essentially given up and your confidence and self-esteem have plummeted, take care of yourself. Find help or find the exit. Chronic stress brought about by abuse makes you prone to more illness and premature death.
If you can recognize yourself in the above and if you are ready to dig deep for your truth, assert yourself, have more energy and explore the reasons you are giving your power away, and you are ready to invest in yourself, you can call me at 613-744-1538- tell me your name, your phone number, what you want to achieve, what’s not working for you right now and a little bit about your life. I will communicate with you and we’ll set up a one hour coaching conversation to give you some value and to see if we are a good fit. No selling or hidden strings. I work with a very small number of clients at any one time and only with people who are a resounding “YES, I want to work with you.”
Marguerite Tennier, M.A.,
Transformational Coaching for Women over 40