So tired? The relationships connection

Like we saw in previous posts, if you sleep enough, eat well, exercise and generally have a healthy lifestyle (and you have had a good medical checkup), and are still tired, it’s most likely emotional energy that’s lacking.

Have you ever  looked at kids playing?  They are like the Energizer Bunny.  Full of energy, they barely stop from one activity to another.  This is so obvious when I look at my 3 year old grandchildren.  We wonder where they get it all.  Then if there is a little bit of a struggle between them, you see their mood change.  Sometimes one will retreat and appear really upset.  The energy is gone.  Sometimes not for long, but gone.

Well we adults are a little like the children:  when everything goes well and we are having fun with our friends or partners, we have all the energy in the world.  Remember how easy it was to get up early to leave on a trip or the energy we have when we meet someone we really click with, or better fall in love with.  Less need for sleep or even food.  We float.  As Mira Kirshenbaum says “love gives energy a good push.” The difference with little kids though is that when things are not working so well in our relationships, most of us, unless we have practiced living mindfully,  do not easily recognize that the lack of energy is really the result of chronically feeling unappreciated, or respected or no longer feeling the connection with a loved one. Because it’s not love that gives energy, it’s good love. “Bad love, bad relationships produce emotional exhaustion.” M. Kirshenbaum

So many of us, me included, have put up with bad love.  Because we were needy, or because we had invested so much or we did not know any better, or were scared or any other reason.  Many figure that something is better than nothing and in the love department, it’s the worse thing to believe.  If you constantly feel tired and exhausted and you kind’a think that maybe, just maybe you are not so happy with your life partner – in fact you know that you are so much happier when he or she is not around – well, just maybe you need to face the fact that you are in a bad relationship.

Just like you would not put up with bad food or a bad job, do what you can to fix it and if it does not improve,  move on.  Because bad love by being an energy leak is actually very bad for your health.  It produces chronic stress which elevate your cortisol and other harmful hormones, which in turn will leave you more prone to illness and an earlier death (the research says it will cut 4 years off your life).  Your life partner cannot give you everything, but should be responsive to your core emotional needs because it’s what differentiates a true relationship from a convenient one or from a friendship.  You know the famous “money won’t keep you warm at night” quote?  This is what it was referring to.

If you can recognize yourself in the above and if you are ready to have better relationships and have more energy and are ready to invest in yourself, you can  call me at 613-744-1538- tell me your name, your phone number, what you want to achieve,  what’s not working for you right now and a little bit about your life.  I will communicate with you and we’ll set up a one hour coaching conversation to give you some value and to see if we are a good fit.  No selling or hidden strings.  I work with a very small number of clients at any one time and only with people who are a resounding “YES, I want to work with you.”

 

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