Archive for May 22, 2015

Your Wheel of Fear

Some of the most important thing to remember whenever you stick your neck out there is that first, you can fall flat on your face and get either your pride or your feelings hurt.  This is true for all creative projects, whether it’s writing a book or a blog, , creating a painting or a piece of music, or being an actor or comedian.  Not everyone will love what we do (I dabble in painting). And don’t worry.  Your Wheel of Fear will make certain to warn you against taking risks.

The same applies to times when you stick your neck out in your personal life.  Trying to reconnect with a friend after a misunderstanding or make new friends or saying “I love you” first when you really like someone,  or not daring  to talk to the great looking guy. Taking chances is not always going to work and some of the people you love or were trying to befriend may laugh at you or talk behind your back.  That’s life.

The other thing to remember about taking risks, is that if you don’t ask for what you want,or if you don’t take a chance writing that book or creating that painting, or showing someone you truly love that you do, well, there is a worse risk to never get what you want, to never do what you love or have who you love.

It’s so easy when we get rejected or made to feel foolish or worse,  to get on our Wheel of Fear and spin.  Either just make ourselves miserable and stressed out or do  things like shopping therapy, or binge eating or any other behavior that is done to try avoiding how we feel, behaviors which end up making us feel even more miserable (and broke, or fat, or taking bad risks with our health or our life) or to vow to never take chances to be hurt again.

Fear’s job is to keep you safe.  However, fear sees a bruise to our pride or our feelings at the same level it would want to make us react if there was a boa constrictor or a lion in the room.  Fear wants to keep us safe, but safety often leads to boredom and worse, lack of growth and ultimately necrosis (death). Not necessarily physical death but emotional and spiritual death.

Are you feeling a lot of numbness inside, feeling bored to death, feeling like you have not tried anything new in such a long time you don’t even remember.  Always taking the same way home, the same restaurants, the same (old boring) friends.  Then you may be suffering from too much spinning on your Wheel of Fear.  And there is a solution.

If you recognize yourself in the above and are ready to take more chances, to feel more alive, call for a free coaching call to help you decide if coaching is right for you at this time.

Call 613-744-1538 during regular weekdays business hours (Eastern time).  We will set up a time, about 45 minutes, to schedule our call.

Your coach,

Marguerite

 

 

 

Nobody likes “perfect”: the mask of perfection

I don’t know about you, but I can assure you that I have never loved anyone who was perfect.  I am not telling you this to put anyone down.  I am saying it, both to you and myself, so that I remember to stop expecting myself to be perfect. So that I stop worrying that I am not good enough.  Not competent enough, not thin enough, not pretty enough.  Not nice enough.

I also remember instances of being in a relationship or interacting with people who either thought they were perfect or tried very hard to appear so, through their house, makeup, car, clothes, etc. that screamed “perfect” and the impossibility to actually connect deeply with them because the mask of perfection stood in the way.  Human interaction without connection, especially in romantic relationships is not only not soul nourishing, it’s actually toxic and can make us emotionally and physically sick.  In other interactions, it’s just not worth it.

Real human beings make mistakes, we have misbehaving hair, children, temper, messy houses, we cry, we talk too loud, we have love handles, wrinkles, we overcook the meal, we make choices we regret. Whatever.

Trying to be perfect is the result of not believing we are good enough. So we strive to be superhuman, aka Perfect.  Believing we are not good enough we assume that if others do not respond to our friendship, love, giving, it’s because there is something fundamentally wrong with us. So we try harder, we don’t ask for what we want,  not realizing that the right people will love us just as we are and those who don’t, do not belong with us.

When you start working on dropping the Mask of Perfection,  it’s often a challenge to understand what “do your best” means, because to someone who thinks she has to be perfect, this means no room for being human. It means try until you drop.  The best advice I can give is what would you expect of someone you really love, an adult child for example or your best friend, in the same situation.  Would you give him or her some slack?  What would you consider to be “you did your best”?  Then apply this to your situation.  Give yourself some slack.  Don’t wait until you have it down perfect or you are certain of the outcome.  Risk making mistakes.  It’s O.K.  Few mistakes are life threatening.  You will survive and surprise,  you may even thrive.  Trust me, the more mistakes I make and survive, the more confidently I can take risks and know that whatever happens will not kill me.

If you are ready to drop the Perfection Trap and want more support to stop struggling, call me during regular weekday business hours, at 613-744-1538, for a discovery session (free) to help you decide if you are ready to invest in a coaching relationship to change your life.

Have a good day

Marguerite